C.E. Hoffman

Test Drive

The back the back

That b*tch is looking at me

Oh my god I lost her Switch

Swishhh!

N***** Ima f*ck that b*tch up if she keeps looking

I gotta call her oh gosh oh shoot oh f*ck

Are we going to the West End

Aw man you shoulda seen it I got a knife in my f*cking kidney

Hey sweetie yeah I know no no where are you are you safe

So we were just geeking of high and drunk as f*ck

No no I’m on the bus we’re heading to the West End

And the f*cker just stabs me no joke

No no I’m not partying tonite I only have a bottle

Man I have mad beef with that guy

Sap

Yeah of course Sap little b*tch n***** motherf*cker

You know how I know Sap’s a p*ssy

I know sweetie I’m so sorry I have no idea where I left your Switch

That guy has beef with me right and instead of being a f*cking man he brings three b*tches over with him

F*ck that little b*tch you know my uncle I know the real streets if you can’t do something yourself you can’t do sh*t

I’m getting my pay check tomorrow I swear I swear I’ll buy you a new Switch

You gonna buy her a knife

Zing!

Pow-pow!

It’s loyalty you know you’re nothing if you’re not loyal

Who was that

I love her so much I can’t believe I lost her Switch

You need to love yourself first b*tch

I smacked the f*ck outta Sap

Hey check out this b*tch’s t*ts she’s a stripper I met her at S**** G***

Oh my gosh she’s got nice t*ts tell her I think she has great t*ts okay

What are you a f*cking l*z

No I know that’s weird I’m just saying is she pretty

If you gotta pay a b*tch you don’t got game

When I was little I wanted to be a stripper

You should’ve seen the 100 pages of paperwork that n***** had to do

B*tch man don’t f*ck with me I’m no f*cking tallywacker Ima smack someone up first is that b*tch still looking at me

No no you don’t understand boys are black pits I’m scared of romance

Yeah yeah true you gotta love you

I’m so petty though I keep arguments going

Check out her T*TTIES you should have seen her show she f*cking strips naked and then spins around on this hoop in the air

You need a real man see

I’m scared of men I choose weak men so I can fight them

You fight them what are you crazy

No no I’m a p*ssy I mean like with my words

Opening and closing her legs you can see everything

You don’t got no game n*****

Where you ending up tonight

As long as I have this bottle I’ll sleep anywhere

Look we’re in the West End already

When’s our stop

We can’t stop we ain’t stopping

I never party I only came out ‘cause my mom was mad at me she’s such a narcissist I love my dad though I still call him daddy he cares about me he only really drinks around her with me he’s always been sweet

Now that’s a joke I can’t say

I love him I love my daddy he sent me a hundred bucks because he knows I have no money

I should have never left the rez

Shut up you dumb motherf*cker

I’m telling you I should have never left I should go back before it’s too late can’t you feel the city closing in soon we’ll all be stuck

What do you mean we’re not stopping

We can’t stop man we gotta keep going f*cks like us end up nowhere anyway

No I’m done motherf*cker I’m out

I’m telling you we can’t stop we can’t get off this thing

HEY I WANT OFF

You think that f*cking bot can hear you

Why is it going so fast what the hell this is a hill can’t it see this is a f*cking hill

Sh*t

Bouuuuuuunce!

Haha f*cking funny man look at this little b*tch

My f*cking phone it’s out the window f*ck f*ck f*ck I need that to call my dad

Sh*t that’s fast I think the driver’s broken

He needs to know I’m okay

I told you we ain’t stopping

Oh my god I don’t want to die

I’m sick of living anyway you’re a b*tch if you don’t know how to die

Do we have to

NO F*CKING WAY

How am I going to call my dad

Wait are you saying

HOLD ON

SMASH!

WAIT

ARE YOU CRAZY

JUST- DON’T- LET- GO

READY

NO

JUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!

The End

C.E. Hoffman is a traditionally published author, performer, editor, and filmmaker. Find their books and other weirdness at cehoffman.net